The Root System

One of my students recently mentioned she was in the midst of spring-cleaning. I told her that I think hubby and I have been spring-cleaning all winter long because we have more stuff than our home can handle. So, like her, we’ve been bagging old clothes, boxing obsolete toys, shredding outdated documents, and recycling whatever we can. I wish that getting rid of the emotional and psychological stuff would be as easy. No matter how reasonable and grounded I can be, I find it interesting that I am still vulnerable to self-criticisms and tired labels that don’t fit but never get thrown out with the shoes my kids have long outgrown. I worry about not performing as well as my coworkers, fear that my mothering skills are inadequate, and obsess that my belly is too big for a certain pair of pants. Why does it seem like I’ll always be subject to these thought patterns?I think the Buddha named such repetitive thoughts samskara, conditioned formations molded from a variety of influences including culture, education, or religious beliefs. Like rainwater running down the grooves of a tree trunk, my samskaras cause me to behave in a patterned way. Some grooves are deeper than others and end up cluttering my psyche. Fortunately, I’ve discovered that dedicating more time to yoga helps me de-clutter by shifting my focus from my thoughts to my body. A practice that has been effective the past few weeks is the walking meditation I learned during my last visit to the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. Walking meditation has redirected me from my head to my breath because distorted self-perceptions have to give way to counting steps. 1, 1-2, 1-2-3, 1-2-3-4. Consequently, I’ve been able to watch what is true for me in that moment in time and the recurring worries, fears, and obsessions become less fixed.  I’ve paired the walking meditation with a more vigorous asana practice, which also encourages me to stay present.  Almost invariably, yoga creates space for ingraining more positive thought patterns. Despite the shaking and sweating, when I strike utkatasana with energetic breaths or bear my bodyweight on my forearms in a supported mayurasana, I discover confidence, contentment, and compassion. Each time I step onto my mat, I deepen these new grooves and the phenomenon of re-patterning unfolds: worry is replaced with acceptance, fear with hope, and obsession with surrender.So the next time I haul out another box of toys to the curb, there will be a bag of my unneeded samskaras sitting right next to it.